Who am I?
SPRING INTO SELF:WHO AM I???SIDE BAR: THIS IS A LONG ONE...BUT A MUST READ!!!
Dear Father, Today I ask that you continue to guide me. I know that you are the one that is in control and without you my life is nothing. I pray that you keep me focused on the path that you have for me. I pray that you continue to assist me in making the right decisions each day that will get me to my purpose for being here. I understand that you are EVERYTHING!!! I do not honor, cherish nor praise no other being nor human. I pray that on today that this blog post helps whomever may view it. I pray that they can take a piece of my life and use it to better theirs. I do not write this blog for myself, but for you. This is your will and your way. I pray you continue to use me. I pray that your children can start to see who they are and not let anyone's negative energy affect them. I pray that your children can have a true understanding and appreciation of self. I pray they have enough strength and confidence to not allow others to harm them physically, mentally nor spiritually. In only your name I pray, Amen.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 10:35 - 36
Consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I have always had a certain sense for who I am and that is based off of the foundation that my mother and father instilled in me at a young age. They encouraged me to be confident and to believe in myself. I just knew that I was beautiful inside and out (not being conceited) and held high standards for myself. At the age of 7, I remember looking in the mirror and saying to myself, "There is something special about me." Honestly, I did not know what I was truly saying at the time...but looking back I was right. I have always been one that genuinely protected others and made the most unpopular person in school my friend. The person that you would think would get bullied, did not because I would stand up for them and we would become best friends. I had a confidence unlike any other. There has always been a certain level of respect that has been given to me by my peers. I did not have to demand respect because I have always genuinely respected others.
My life today has been a bit more complex. As I have grown, my issues have done the same. They have gotten to the point where I will sing to myself, "I don't want to grow up .... I want to be a Toys 'R Us Kid", because life seemed much simpler back then. Within recent years I have been tested by almost every "important" person in my life. I have felt like I have had to demand respect from some of the closest people to me. I know that it is God testing me to see how I handle these situations and to also show me things about certain people. I have had to let go of many and keep at a distance others. Loving from a far is becoming one of my greatest skill sets. Some people get mad at me for not allowing me to LET them CONTROL my life. Well, guess what MY LIFE is not one for OTHERS to control. The only one that is in control of me is God! I am well aware that I have to let God be in control of everything that I do and everything that I am. With my own patience and God's love I can do anything. MY FUTURE:The true question here is .... WHO AM I???? Well, IAM...bMarcell and I am a CHILD of GOD who KNOWS that he is in CONTROL. There is not a soul on this earth that can tell bMarcell who I am. I AM all that God has created and designed for me to be. He controls everything. So many times before I have tried to take my own path and have only gone around in circles time and time again! Guess what, not anymore. I will listen to Him, I will honor his word, and I will praise his name. It does not matter to me what others want for my life. I have become more and more sensitive to those that try to CONTROL my actions and my life by doing certain things. That ends now. My future only has room for one being to control it ... and that is my God. b. BLESSED This is how I know God is in CONTROL....God has blessed me more than once within the past 7 days.
I have waited 6 years for the organization I founded in 2007, Jewels, Inc., to become an official 501 c3. There have been many obstacles that have risen causing the delay. I honestly just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Until finally recently I cried out to God and had words with him. I told him that this is his organization in which he gifted to me ... why is it taking sooooo long for us to receive our tax exempt status? All I am trying to do is your work! I have put thousands of my own dollars into this organization, money that you know I do not have .... in addition countless hours into founding, creating, and supporting the programming and my mentees ... so why is it taking so long? I told God that I am so close to throwing in the towel, but I know that I can't because I know that Jewels, Inc., is my purpose in life and a gift from Him. Months go by and nothing. I continue to devote my spare time to Jewels, Inc. Just last week, I received a letter from the IRS saying that my application for Jewels, Inc., tax exempt 501 c3 status has been accepted!!!! Yes this is a blessing ... this blessing was dated on March 28, 2013; postmarked on April 17, 2013; I received it in my hands on April 24, 2013. Peep this....I have known since last year that I am supposed to commit to writing this blog sharing my experiences and Gods grace with others. My last blog post was July 31, 2012. Fast Forward: August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March .... I experienced some of the most challenging times in recent years. Test after test after test...... I was NOT doing what I was supposed to. I was not committing myself to the adequate amount of praise, worship and study that I was supposed to. I finally became obedient to God's words and posted my first blog on April 15, 2013 .... "Get To Know God ... To Get To Know Yourself". If you think that my acceptance letter being POST MARKED on April 17, 2013, 20 DAYS after it was generated is a coincidence then we have ALOT of work to do. This was my ULTIMATE lesson of knowing that God is in control!!! Not only do I have to be patient and wait on his timing, but I also must be obedient to the words and plans that he has for my life!
I was on the highway ... just Peter (my 4 year old son) and myself, taking him to school. Mind you it is normally my ENTIRE family (my 1 year old daughter, my husband, Peter and myself). However, this day my husband and baby girl stayed home while I took Peter to school. While doing 60 on the highway my car literally put itself in cruise control somehow and locked up DURING MORNING RUSH HOUR!!!! My brakes would not stop my car for NOTHING and there are all kinds of cars, trucks, vans surrounding me!!! I was so nervous because I am 36 weeks pregnant and my son is in the back seat. Out of Nowhere a calm comes over me.....I am literally riding my brakes on the off ramp of the highway. There are 3 stop lights and 1 stop sign in between getting off of the exit to Peters school. Every time we have dropped him off at school we have to STOP at, at least one of the lights and clearly have to stop at the stop sign. On this day there was a line of about 10 cars total in the two lanes that were at the first stop light when I first entered the off ramp. By the time I got down to the light ... the cars were all clear. The second light was no more than about 500 feet away ... no cars ... green light ... go. Third light and the light where I have to make a sharp right turn to go on the street of the school ... no cars (not even waiting to exit the street) ... green light .... go ... but, WIDE turn. At the stop sign I had really been pressing the breaks as HARD as I could at this time .... NO CARS ... go... I need to make a sharp turn to get onto the parking lot of the school .... there is a brick median separating the entrance and exit ... Oh Lord ... OK ... You Got This..... clear to go.... still braking... hardly ANY cars on the parking lot at DROP OFF time ... up the drop off ramp I go ... as soon as I am off the small hill and on level land... my car STOPS!!!! Peter is 100 feet from the entrance to his school. He arrives safely. GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!! If at any moment that I lost faith in God throughout this whole ordeal or did not think he was protecting me ... I could have lost my life, my son could have lost his life, my unborn child could have lost their life. There are so many times in LIFE where God will test our faith. It may not be in your most traditional. It may not be a relationship. It may not be loosing your job. At all times we MUST know that who we are is determined by how much we know and understand that our lives are NOT our own and GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!