I Can Only bMe.

I Am … bMe ™

Sunday, May 17, 2009

7:25pm

Wheaton, MD

I Can Only bMe….

What are we here for?

When I was first presented with the out of the air idea to become a motivational speaker, I was both confused and flattered. After spending many of days and weeks thinking about the whole idea, I accepted the challenge. Months after conceptualizing the idea of the “I Am…bMe” brand, I still didn’t know exactly what I would say in my blogs, speeches, in my everyday inspirational text. However, I have now realized that it is not about pre-thought out words. My words will be words spoken straight from the heart at the time of the thought. I have never been the type of person to sugar coat anything, so why would I start by creating a whole other person to say that is Me…I can only bMe…and I will show the world exactly who I am.

I have an addiction. Although it is definitely NOT a bad one…it is one that I am NOT proud of. Day In and Day Out I battle with myself to get off of facebook. I constantly compare myself to that of my peers. During a one hour time-span, I receive facebook updates via messages about all of the things my friends have going on. Be it a blog, a party, fashion show, new album, whatever, my peers are really making moves for themselves.

Then I begin to get sad thinking, “WOW, what am I doing?

Why have I NOT graduated from college at the age of 23?

How did I allow myself to become a single mother?

How could I let someone into my world that I allowed to hurt me over and over again?

Why have I not moved on from my father’s death?

Why do I continue to go in the same circles over and over again repeating my same bad habits? Why haven’t I built a stronger relationship with God?

Am I really a good role model to my Jewels?

Am I really a good mother to my son?

Am I going to be a great CEO one day?

Am I really going to be able to fulfill my dreams?

Can I get into Law School?

Can I graduate from Law School with honors and still be an active mother to Peter James?

Can I live up to my mother, my son, my family, my Jewels, my co-workers, my bosses, my Gods and even my own expectations?

Can I regain my self-esteem and self-respect?

Do I really know who I am?”

Sounds like A LOT I’m sure, but these are the things that I think about on a daily basis, and everyday I say that I am going to do better today and end up making the same 360 in the wrong direction.So exactly what am I here for? Since making my commitment to the first season of, “MTV’s Making the Band” (the reality show where P.Diddy attempts to build a no. 1 international band while coming across many talented artist who have had their share of life challenges), I have always wondered and asked my father (then alive), “What will be my story? Daddy, what will be my struggle?”

Finally after what will soon be 5 years of struggling, I have figured out my purpose: to give back to my community while being a positive force for not just myself and my son, but the community I live in.

I do have the tendency to dibble and dab in many other facets of life. However, it is time for me to really focus on what makes me, Me. I realize that I can only bMe and can NOT worry about others expectations for me nor what occupies their time.

Peter James Jackson, my education, Jewels, Inc., I Am…bMe … amongst a couple of other dreams are now my focus…I am here to show the world why I can only bMe!